While filling out pages upon pages of paperwork for my new job, I had to discuss former employers and if my new company could contact them. Concurrently, I was also texting a friend of mine who may have been a romantic interest at one point, but after knowing more and more about her I knew it would not work. Then it hit me. Wouldn’t it be great we could contact the past relationships of others?
Think about it. It is kind of an interesting concept. You could get on the phone and call two of their ex’s and see what happened. “She was flaky,” “I was a jerk and he deserved better,” “I honestly can say it ended on great note.” You could get a sense of the person and what happens when the honeymoon phase ends.
Then I thought about what my ex’s would say. When we have to list former employers, we know who we want our next job to contact – and we know which employers should be left off anything that connects us to them. It would have to be the same with our ex’s. I know I have ones that I would love to use as a recommendation, and others that I would not anyone talking to for a variety of reasons.
This thought train kept moving as I reflected on why some of the past girls I would cringe if anyone talked to them. Sure, some of the past relationships were volatile, and often not my fault. But then the ones that were. The ones I took for granted, the ones I was too fickle with, or the ones that I failed to recognize were perfect for the man I was, not the man I thought I was.
Would it help relationships? Or is part of the fun figuring things out; seeing what the good and bad really are? Would speaking with an ex almost stain the relationship before it even began? I think it would. Maybe it’s a good thing only businesses can contact former businesses, because part of the joy of falling for someone is seeing all of them in a new light, for the first time.